May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
