ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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