Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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