I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
