I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
