And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
