When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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