remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
