i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize