apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
