I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
