As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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