i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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