Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
