Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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