She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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