I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
