Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
