I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
