my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
