Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
