The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
