i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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