True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
