Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she peed on how many people?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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