this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
