Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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