The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
