It's Friday. Sex?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
