Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
