Your tits are I can't wait for
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
