Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
