C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we made out on top of his cat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
