well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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