i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
