just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
