I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
