Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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