I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
