i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
