I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
