In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
