I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
this is an emotional support booty call
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
