I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
