brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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