it's not cheating when I paid for it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize