If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my shit smells like andre
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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