just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
