Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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