I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
