More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
