I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
