she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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