He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
