are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
