I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
