Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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