bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
