oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize