Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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