he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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