im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I got her a Nickelback box set.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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